This week there has been a lot of down time. Lots of time for Jack and I to play and get stuff done. I haven’t been scrambling for sitters or running out the door every other day. I realized on Wednesday I think that’s how I like it.
I’m not opposed to going out every now and then; grabbing drinks with friends or hitting the dance floor is ok every now and then. But I realized on Wednesday when I settled down on my couch for a night of Red Dwarf* and applying nail wraps, that staying in might be one of my favorite things. While it might be one of my favorite things, I do think a balance of going out and staying in needs to be maintained to in order for it to stay that way.
Unfortunately, it never seems to be balanced. There’s either a rash of staying in all the time or going out all the time. Maybe it’s a matter of me needing to take better control and pick and choose the things I attend. I don’t have to say yes to all the things, especially if I’m feeling burnt out on leaving the house. In the same way I don’t always have to wait for someone else to invite me out, I can initiate that too.
I guess I was surprised to find myself looking forward to a quiet night in on Wednesday. It was refreshing to sit down after Jack went to bed and be content being alone; giggling at Lister and Rimmer, and that cat cracks me up!
It was a funny feeling mostly because lately I’ve felt lonely while I sit by myself in the evenings. But that feeling seemed to be gone on Wednesday. I’m sure it will come back (say around Valentines day) but for the moment I’m feeling fine being alone. And maybe that’s a good thing because I’m starting to doubt that Seattle has another man for me anyway. But I don’t feel sorry for myself when I think that, I just try to focus on what I do have. An awesome son, great friends and an awesome city to go out in…or stay home, whichever.
*I started watching Red Dwarf as re-runs on PBS in 2005. I was dealing with really bad insomnia and emotional crap so I was up for hours late into the night while Jordan slept (since he had a big kid job). Red Dwarf cheered me up. I was pretty bummed when I turned on PBS one night and found an infomercial in it’s place. When it popped up on Netflix Instant Streaming I immediately put it on my list. I forgot how cheesy and silly it is, which makes me love it so very much.