Monthly Archives: December 2013

The Dating Game

Disclaimer: This is drawn from my own experiences in dating. Everyone reacts to situations differently. This is how I react, I’m sure I’m not the only one, however, I’m not saying that this is how every person deals with dating. To each their own and all that jazz.

I hate dating. Dating is hard. Dating is a game. I love games, so you’d think I would enjoy dating at least a little, but I don’t. Dating is not a fun game that anyone really wins. It’s a confusing, sometimes hurtful game that has no clear rules at all. If there were rules to follow maybe I could get on board but even then…

My biggest issue with dating is that it’s so hard to find a person to date who is upfront and honest. I’m not saying that people are dishonest. I think that generally, most people are honest. That’s why dating is so baffling to me. It turns even the most up front people into shady characters. Here’s what I mean when I say “shady character” (or dishonest):

Say you go on a date with someone. You have a good time. The other person has a good time and says so. Then says that the two of you should do it again soon. So you go home feeling optimistic. Days and weeks go by without a peep from the other person. So you start to wonder what’s going on. Chances are they’re just busy and not really that interested in dating you. Because no matter how busy a person is, if they really like you they’ll make an effort to see you again. Logically you know that, but you keep thinking back to the date when they said they had a good time, that they liked you. So there’s a glimmer of hope. Eventually months go by and you wonder if the person has met with some sort of terrible accident. But you don’t want to text/call/email for fear of looking clingy or needy. Eventually the waiting person stops waiting and then feels sad from weeks or months of rejection. It’s hard to get over that and even harder to let go of that little glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe they’ll call…

That is a sad story.  A lot of heartache could have been avoided if people would stop trying to spare everyone’s feelings and be honest at the get go. Let’s take the same story from above, except let’s be up front about things.

You go on a date. You have a good time. The other person says ‘I had a good time too. But I’m really busy right now/I’m just not romantically interested in you/I don’t want a relationship right now/I don’t think we should hang out (whatever the real reason is you put it in here). But thank you for going out with me!’ Then everyone moves on with their life.

Is that a bit harsh? Yeah, it totally is! Do I want to hear that at the end of a date? Not really, but you know what? Hearing that after a date is so much better than wondering for months when we’re getting together again. It’s like ripping off a band aid, if you do it quick it feels better faster. Or to be more dramatic, a quick pin prick is easier to bear than having a knife slowly driven into your body.

Not only does getting the rejection over with quick help with the disappointment but it also doesn’t give bitterness the chance to take root. Waiting is annoying. Waiting for someone you like to contact you again is a hot bed for bitterness to grow. By the time the waiter figures out that the person they like isn’t going to contact them it’s very likely that they’ve started feeling bitter. Because calling someone stupid, an asshole or a jerk helps to soothe our injured egos. It’s an unhealthy way to start to move past that rejection. Whereas, if the person had just been honest from the beginning your ego would most likely just have taken one hit instead of multiple. When you’re waiting for someone you like to get back to you, each day that goes by without any word is a hit. And every attempt at communication that goes ignored is an even bigger hit.

That’s the other part of this whole “game” that sucks. A lot of people may start to feel like a needy, clingy person. No one wants to be that. So many women are called “crazy”, but I wonder are women inherently “crazy” or is it dating that makes us seem that way? There’s nothing more frustrating than giving someone a call or sending them a text and having it ignored. So on top of the growing bitterness there’s the feeling of “crazy” that just makes everything worse. Some of you may be saying ‘Hello! If he doesn’t call you back, he’s just not that into you!’

I’ve heard the ‘he/she’s just not that into you’ spiel many times. I know that in my head. Logically it makes sense. But I guess, when it comes to people I like, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I make excuses for them, I wait and wait and wait to hear from them. I know, intellectually, that if someone likes you they will pursue you. But when I hear the words ‘I like you’ or ‘I want to hang out again’ I can’t help but be optimistic. And honestly, I hate grouping people together like that. Sometimes people really are just super busy, forgetful or flaky. Do you want to date someone who is super busy, forgetful or flaky? Probably not, I’m just saying sometimes it really isn’t you it’s them. Maybe if they said that it would make it better.

See? “The rules” of the dating game are stupid because they’re different for everyone. This is why dating is so frustrating. Dating makes me feel like a crazy lady. (Besides that, I think the words “four year old son” are the most terrifying words to say to a man I’m trying to date).

So how about we stop mucking around? How about, when we go out with people we are honest? Sure, that’s really hard to do. But I think it’s the right thing to do. It’s better than stringing someone along for months, giving hope when there is none. Here’s my new dating game rule, be honest.

What about you? What about dating do you love or hate?

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The Powerpuff Girls and Femme Fatale

When it comes to television I don’t put too many restrictions on what Jack watches. Unless of course it’s waaay over his head or too scary (for example, he won’t be watching Paranorman for a few years now). I was pretty excited when The Powerpuff Girls popped up on Netflix instant streaming one day. He wanted to check it out so we turned it on. He proceeded to devour the show.

About a week ago we watched an episode called Equal Fights. I remembered the character of Femme Fatale being discussed a bit on Tumblr but couldn’t remember exactly what was being said. I looked it up and as usual people were pissed about it. I read one blog that defended the episode, but all the rest weren’t terribly positive. Some even went as far to say that the episode was “horrifically sexist and anitfeminist.” To those I say, watch the episode again. But this time don’t focus on the fact that she’s a “feminist” (because she’s not, actually). Focus on what she’s saying and doing.

Femmefatale

Femme Fatale: Actual feminist or selfish bitch?

Here’s the main thing about Femme Fatale, she is a villain. Villain’s will say and do anything to get what they want. What makes Femme Fatale worse is that she’s an extremist. She’s taken feminism, which is about equal treatment, and turned it into something else. Femme Fatale is not a feminist who wants equal treatment. She’s a woman who thinks she is better than anyone. It’s not about women being better than men, it’s about her. Everything she says to the Powerpuff Girls is a manipulation, an attempt to control them. Isn’t that what villains do to the heroes? They try to trick them, trap them, manipulate them, beat them. It’s what every villain attempts to do in each episode. But because the writers have taken a belief, given it to an inherently selfish villain and taken it this extreme, it tends to make people very uncomfortable.

I realize that what Femme Fatale represents is a negative stereotype. But let’s face facts, stereotypes exist for a reason. There are people out in the world that take feminism to this level; the level where women rule over/are better than men. But that doesn’t mean that every feminist behaves the same way. While the extremists exist so too does the feminist who simply wants to be treated equally. There are differing opinions all over the place. There are some Christians who are pro life and some who are pro choice. Some people are Democrats, others Republican, others Libertarian and any other political party in between. It’s unfair to say all feminists/politicians/lawyers/what have you, are the same.  Because there are no two people who are exactly identical. Just because I call myself a feminist doesn’t mean I’m anything like Femme Fatale.

What many of those negative reviewers left out was the end of the episode when Sarah Bellum and many of the other women in the Townsville community confront the girls about what Femme Fatale really is, a villain who is stealing and has to go to jail. A villain who deserves to be treated as all the other villains regardless of her gender.

Do I think this was a huge issue for a cartoon to dive into? Absolutely. Do I think they nailed it with this episode? Well no, it was a noble try. But I think what people get too hung up on is the fact that a feminist is a villain and because they share some the same beliefs that Femme Fatale holds, that makes them uneasy. However, I’m not going to let one character ruin the whole series for me!

There’s so much to love about The Powerpuff Girls! I love that each girl is different and that’s ok, even celebrated. Blossom shows that it’s possible to be a strong leader and a girl. Bubbles is the epitome of a cute girly girl but she can still kick ass. Buttercup lets everyone know that you don’t have to be girly to be a girl. The Professor shows that women aren’t the only ones who know how to clean house and make it a home. The show pushes social norms around a lot and I like that. Lastly, most episodes have really wonderful morals. Morals I’m glad to be talking about with my son.

Overall I think a lot of people read too deeply into cartoons sometimes. Especially ones you watched as a child. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the theory about Papa Smurf and Smurfette “smurfing” around, which is where all the “smurfing” Smurfs came from.

purple teletubby

Ah! Its got a triangle on its head and is carrying a red purse AND it’s a boy! It’s making your kids gay!

I know a lot of cartoons have deeper meanings (Powerpuff Girls has quite a few) and I know kids aren’t stupid. I have one that shows me that every day. I just get sick of hearing about all the conspiracy theories. It just makes you sound like all those nutso parents who accused the purple Teletubby of making their kids gay, in short like a crazy person.

Do we read too much into cartoon characters? Why do some people make such a big deal about one character and not another? Tell me in the comments!

Tumblr blogs I read for this post:

http://feministfilm.tumblr.com/post/13189044459/teratogenesis-in-the-city-of-townsville

http://fromonesurvivortoanother.tumblr.com/post/16282020426/trigger-warning-a-bunch-of-fucked-up-trans-things

The one that defended the episode: http://fyeahcontroversialcharacters.tumblr.com/post/49371348421/defense-of-femme-fatale-and-the-episode-equal-fights

Dressember: Reflections

Each morning I wake up and stare at the dresses in my closet. It takes effort for me to get dressed this month. It takes more than a fleeting moment of throwing on jeans and a t-shirt. Some mornings I would silently wonder why I chose to do this. I wondered why, during this unusually cold December in Seattle, I chose to wear an article of clothing that provides so little warmth for an entire month. I wonder what my fellow Dressember participants will be wearing; envying those that are in warmer climes. I start to complain to myself about not having enough fleece lined leggings, or sassy boots. I wonder about doing my hair and makeup (note, I never do). I wonder if I should go to Goodwill or Value Village and search for some cute boots to pair with my cute dresses.

I’ve felt exasperated once or twice. I’ve felt insecure more than once, wearing these dresses that I never ever wear. I wonder if people will wonder if I’m just trying too hard to be cute. Not many folks know what Dressember is, so when they see me I wonder what they’ll think. Then I remind myself they probably don’t even notice and if they do they probably don’t give it a second thought. Some chick wearing a dress, it’s not a freaking anomaly.

I was staring into my closet on Wednesday trying to decide if one of my Modcloth dresses was going to be too much for the day. I stood there and started to get annoyed, I was running out of ideas. I was running out of cute stuff to wear. I was going to have to start re-styling dresses I’ve already styled. Suddenly I thought to myself, “Is this really a problem? Is this really something you’re complaining about? THINK! Think about WHY you decided to wear dresses throughout December.” And then I felt ashamed of myself. I get to wake up every day and enjoy the freedom of deciding what to wear, where I go, what I eat, who I give my love to. I get freedoms that so, so many people do not. That’s what this challenge is about. It’s about rescuing those in slavery. It’s about giving them those same freedoms. It’s not about being cute for a month. That really snapped me out of this complaining I’ve been doing lately.

If these are things I’ve been worrying about/complaining about/overthinking then I am one lucky gal. Because I have the freedom to have stupid ass concerns, like the ones I’ve been obsessing over. So I’m doing my best to meet a personal goal. Stop. Complaining. Your life is amazing. You are lucky. You are loved. You are safe. There are so many people who can’t say the same thing.

If you would like to donate (any amount) please visit my page! https://www.ijmfreedommaker.org/campaign/1849/Dressember-for-IJM/

All donations go directly to IJM and count toward the overall goal of $100,000. Just an fyi, we hit our original goal of $25,000 on the 4th day of the campaign. That’s all you guys! With your help we can make the seemingly astronomical goal of $100,000 happen!

 

Dressember & 50 Followers

I got a notification from WordPress today that I now have 50 followers! That is the most followers I’ve ever had, so thank you everyone! It was a pleasant surprise during a time that is usually pretty hard for me so the pick me up was a most welcome one.

This December I took the challenge to wear a dress every day to help raise awareness of human trafficking around the world. I’ve partnered with IJM to raise funds (https://www.ijmfreedommaker.org/campaign/1849/Dressember-for-IJM/).

It has been a challenge. This December has been very cold so I’ve been very cold too. But at the same time I’m finding it’s sort of fun to put actual thought into what I’m wearing aside from the ‘which jeans have the smallest holes’ thought. It’s been fun! As promised here are some pictures of my dresses. I only missed one day (day 2) cause I just couldn’t bring myself to take one of those mirror selfies, but I managed to swallow my pride and have been taking them since. Without further ado here are my dresses so far.

 

Sunday's Dress

Sunday’s Dress

Tuesday's Dress

Tuesday’s Dress

Wednesday's Dress

Wednesday’s Dress

Thursday's Dress

Thursday’s Dress

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t have a picture of today’s dress yet. Sorry! 🙂 Have a great weekend!