I deactivated my OkCupid account last weekish sometime. I’ve decided that online dating is not for me. I know, I know. I’ve heard all the success stories, I’ve heard that many, many people have found an awesome significant other on the internet. Buuuuut I’ve also heard about and experienced my own horror stories. So I’m done. I’ll give a few reasons.
1. It’s misleading. At least for me. I’m not talking about people being fake (although I’m sure that happens). When you message a person you have time to think of things to say that are funny, witty and compelling. In a message it’s very easy to be interesting, but keeping up that energy on a date with a total stranger is difficult, even if you really are super interesting. A lot of the time I’d go on a date with someone I thought would be really fun to talk to only to be met with awkward five minute silences. And I’d sit there wondering where our great rapport went. It’s irritating to get excited to hang out with someone then sit in silence.
2. I don’t think I want a significant other right now. I don’t think I’ll ever be “over” Jordan in the traditional sense. I realized a while ago that the only man I really think about all the time is him. I still talk about him all the time, half the stuff in my house was his or ours. I’m just not ready to let go of him enough to let another man into my life right now. I thought what I wanted was a boyfriend, someone to cuddle on the couch with, someone to kiss. But I realized I don’t want a boyfriend, I want Jordan. I’m not sure when I’ll stop wanting Jordan but it’s not fair to bring someone into a relationship when I can’t honestly give them my all. I attempted to do the “meeting new people for friendship” thing on OkCupid, but come on, that’s just not going to happen. I suppose I could do that whole “casual dating” thing, but I don’t really know how to do that. It’s an odd concept to monogamous me.
3. I’m a little busy right now. I’ve got stuff going on. Jack is growing up fast, he’ll be going to school soon. I’m babysitting my nephew, I’ve got D&D and anime nights. There’s camping to be done, wine to be drunk and comics to be written so I wonder where a man would fit into all that. I feel really fulfilled by my life. I don’t feel like there’s something missing exactly. I’m finding new confidence all on my own. I now know that I can do this single mom thing well. I believe that I’ll be able to raise Jack to be a good man and I don’t feel like I need to fill the space left empty. It’s finally a little bit alright that it’s empty. It’s not great, it’s not my favorite, but I will do this, I know I can do it. I have the amazing support of my family and friends and I’m really not as alone as it seems sometimes.
So that’s why I gave up on OkCupid. I’m not giving up on finding love, I am just not that concerned about it. As I said earlier, at this point I’m probably not in a place to have a real relationship. But who knows? Maybe someone perfect for me will come along and change things. It happened once, it may happen again.