Online Dating = Not For Me

I deactivated my OkCupid account last weekish sometime. I’ve decided that online dating is not for me. I know, I know. I’ve heard all the success stories, I’ve heard that many, many people have found an awesome significant other on the internet. Buuuuut I’ve also heard about and experienced my own horror stories. So I’m done. I’ll give a few reasons.

1. It’s misleading. At least for me. I’m not talking about people being fake (although I’m sure that happens). When you message a person you have time to think of things to say that are funny, witty and compelling. In a message it’s very easy to be interesting, but keeping up that energy on a date with a total stranger is difficult, even if you really are super interesting. A lot of the time I’d go on a date with someone I thought would be really fun to talk to only to be met with awkward five minute silences. And I’d sit there wondering where our great rapport  went. It’s irritating to get excited to hang out with someone then sit in silence.

2. I don’t think I want a significant other right now. I don’t think I’ll ever be “over” Jordan in the traditional sense. I realized a while ago that the only man I really think about all the time is him. I still talk about him all the time, half the stuff in my house was his or ours. I’m just not ready to let go of him enough to let another man into my life right now. I thought what I wanted was a boyfriend, someone to cuddle on the couch with, someone to kiss. But I realized I don’t want a boyfriend, I want Jordan. I’m not sure when I’ll stop wanting Jordan but it’s not fair to bring someone into a relationship when I can’t honestly give them my all. I attempted to do the “meeting new people for friendship” thing on OkCupid, but come on, that’s just not going to happen. I suppose I could do that whole “casual dating” thing, but I don’t really know how to do that. It’s an odd concept to monogamous me.

3. I’m a little busy right now. I’ve got stuff going on. Jack is growing up fast, he’ll be going to school soon. I’m babysitting my nephew, I’ve got D&D and anime nights. There’s camping to be done, wine to be drunk and comics to be written so I wonder where a man would fit into all that. I feel really fulfilled by my life. I don’t feel like there’s something missing exactly. I’m finding new confidence all on my own. I now know that I can do this single mom thing well. I believe that I’ll be able to raise Jack to be a good man and I don’t feel like I need to fill the space left empty. It’s finally a little bit alright that it’s empty. It’s not great, it’s not my favorite, but I will do this, I know I can do it. I have the amazing support of my family and friends and I’m really not as alone as it seems sometimes.

So that’s why I gave up on OkCupid. I’m not giving up on finding love, I am just not that concerned about it. As I said earlier, at this point I’m probably not in a place to have a real relationship. But who knows? Maybe someone perfect for me will come along and change things. It happened once, it may happen again.

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17 responses to “Online Dating = Not For Me

  1. firewallender

    You go, girl. You are awesome and Jack is having a beautiful childhood due to your awesomeness. If you never need a break, we are here for you too. ❤ ❤ ❤

  2. Megan Huffman

    Hear hear Staci-bear. I sure think of Jordo often as well, and to see how you’ve handled it all, come through it with Jack and continue to be so amazing is just humbling and answers to so many prayers. I sure love you and I’m glad you are feeling full-filled in life and that you are happy where you’re at right now. HUGS

  3. I have no idea what I would do in your shoes., you are an amazing woman..
    I don’t think I would deal with things that well if I was in your shoes.. I totally understand your stance and support you in any way I can..being that I only really know you thru connie and the girls..

  4. WOW! You nailed it! Jack is lucky to have you as his mom. Much Love and Admiration, Aunt Linda

  5. Sometimes its best to step back & know that the decisions you make in your life have to be the right ones ~ for not only you but for Jack as well. You will always have Jordon…you will see him in the things in your home, you will hear him when a song comes on the radio that you both sang but most of all you will feel him when Jack gives you a hug & tells you that he loves you. ❤

    • Yes, Pam, all these things and that is why I’ve decided to stop trying to force the dating thing. When it’s right, I think I’ll know it. 🙂

  6. Staci, you are amazing and one of my heroes! You are such a strong and independent woman…you could take on the world whenever you wanted to.

    The best part about watching Jack is when he says, “I love you.” I respond, “I love you too, Jack.” He retorts, “Not as much as my mommy, she loves me more & she loved me first!” I respond, “Yes, you’re right, she loves you the most!” 🙂

    It’s amazing & wonderful seeing the guy that Jack is growing into.

    Love you both so much!

  7. AGREED. All my dates went weird. Stories are on my blog!

    • Thanks for visiting my blog! I’ll have to check out some of your OKC stories. As horrible as they are when they’re happening, they sure are entertaining. 🙂

  8. Pingback: A New App | Reflections of a Sopping Wet Desert Rat

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