Monthly Archives: June 2013

Online Dating = Not For Me

I deactivated my OkCupid account last weekish sometime. I’ve decided that online dating is not for me. I know, I know. I’ve heard all the success stories, I’ve heard that many, many people have found an awesome significant other on the internet. Buuuuut I’ve also heard about and experienced my own horror stories. So I’m done. I’ll give a few reasons.

1. It’s misleading. At least for me. I’m not talking about people being fake (although I’m sure that happens). When you message a person you have time to think of things to say that are funny, witty and compelling. In a message it’s very easy to be interesting, but keeping up that energy on a date with a total stranger is difficult, even if you really are super interesting. A lot of the time I’d go on a date with someone I thought would be really fun to talk to only to be met with awkward five minute silences. And I’d sit there wondering where our great rapport  went. It’s irritating to get excited to hang out with someone then sit in silence.

2. I don’t think I want a significant other right now. I don’t think I’ll ever be “over” Jordan in the traditional sense. I realized a while ago that the only man I really think about all the time is him. I still talk about him all the time, half the stuff in my house was his or ours. I’m just not ready to let go of him enough to let another man into my life right now. I thought what I wanted was a boyfriend, someone to cuddle on the couch with, someone to kiss. But I realized I don’t want a boyfriend, I want Jordan. I’m not sure when I’ll stop wanting Jordan but it’s not fair to bring someone into a relationship when I can’t honestly give them my all. I attempted to do the “meeting new people for friendship” thing on OkCupid, but come on, that’s just not going to happen. I suppose I could do that whole “casual dating” thing, but I don’t really know how to do that. It’s an odd concept to monogamous me.

3. I’m a little busy right now. I’ve got stuff going on. Jack is growing up fast, he’ll be going to school soon. I’m babysitting my nephew, I’ve got D&D and anime nights. There’s camping to be done, wine to be drunk and comics to be written so I wonder where a man would fit into all that. I feel really fulfilled by my life. I don’t feel like there’s something missing exactly. I’m finding new confidence all on my own. I now know that I can do this single mom thing well. I believe that I’ll be able to raise Jack to be a good man and I don’t feel like I need to fill the space left empty. It’s finally a little bit alright that it’s empty. It’s not great, it’s not my favorite, but I will do this, I know I can do it. I have the amazing support of my family and friends and I’m really not as alone as it seems sometimes.

So that’s why I gave up on OkCupid. I’m not giving up on finding love, I am just not that concerned about it. As I said earlier, at this point I’m probably not in a place to have a real relationship. But who knows? Maybe someone perfect for me will come along and change things. It happened once, it may happen again.

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Creativity? What Creativity?

I have no creative energy lately. I had an idea for a blog post, but it sounded super preachy, so I abandoned it. I had another one and it sounded like I was bragging so I scraped it too. So now here I am with no blog for the second week in a row.

I apologize for the lack of posts. I’ve been ruminating on a story lately and that sort of sucks the writing out of me. So I guess I do have some creativity but it’s all going to this story and what little is left is going to this drawing I’m desperately trying to make look good. We’ll see how it goes. Have a good weekend everyone!

Internet Intent

I’ve taken a little break from Facebook lately. I’ll pop on two or three times a week to check my notifications, upload pictures or check out funny links my friends have posted. But I stay well away from the “News Feed.” Why you may ask? Because it makes my blood boil.

Since I first joined Facebook years ago I’ve always wondered what the point of a status update was. I like it for spreading news like “Omg, I’m preggers! Super excited” or “I just got a sweet promotion at work help me celebrate this evening, text me!” Things like that made sense to me. But then it started getting ridiculous. “I just ate a sandwich! Go me! Lol!” or “I’m going to the bathroom! Here’s a pic!” That’s when I started to wonder what the hell was happening. I don’t care that you just had lunch and are now going to take a crap. What alarmed me more was the pictures of people on the toilet…and them actually posting the picture. I love my friends but I sure don’t need to see them in the bathroom. Now status updates have gone from ridiculous to politically charged. I expected that during elections and what not, but it’s sort of seemed to stay the same since elections are over. Everyone has made Facebook their own personal soapbox.

I get it, it’s your Facebook page, post what you want. I’ve posted political stuff and I post links to my blog there, which can ruffle feathers sometimes. But you can’t get mad if what you post causes people to challenge you because it’s a pretty public forum now and most of the people who are liable to comment are your friends. And aren’t the friends commenting on your stuff ones you’ve approved or “friended” anyway, shouldn’t they be allowed to voice their opinion even if it differs from yours?

I got into a conversation with my dad about intent on Facebook. He was objecting to some things he saw on Facebook because he felt the intent of them was hostile or attempting to rub an opinion in someone’s face. I had to question that, because unless you tag someone specifically you can’t say who it was truly meant for.  What’s more you can’t read someones intent simply because they hit the Post button. Especially if you haven’t had an actual conversation with them in many years, which is often the case with Facebook friends.

Maybe they’re trying to enlighten people, maybe they enjoyed a quote, maybe they liked the picture and decided to share it with the people they care about. I can honestly say that most of the stuff I posted on Facebook that had the potential to get under people’s skin was not to intended to piss them off or rub anything in their face it was to make them think. I don’t have some sort of agenda. I just want everyone to be nice and treat each other with respect and that’s not happening. So when I see something that might make people think twice about their words and actions I’ll post it. But after getting trolled by a friend (why would a friend troll another friend I ask you?) it makes me wonder how many people look at what I post on Facebook and make assumptions about my intent.

So that’s why I’ve stayed away from Facebook. Because it’s turned into something mean spirited where we say whatever we want and then turn around and do our best to make others feel bad about their opinions. Which is really too bad. What used to be a great tool for keeping in touch with friends and family now it seems to be transforming into a place where we call our friends stupid and make assumptions about them when they post one quote. It’s also slowly taking over our lives, but that’s a whole other post.