Way back in January I posted about a Tumblr blog that poked fun at the “Nice Guys” of OkCupid. Most of these fellas were upset because they were investing so much time and money in ladies who were not interested in what was in their pants. All these guys were being “friend zoned” and they were mad that about it. Many of them also mentioned the fact that many ladies say they are looking for nice guys but only date jerks. Being a lady who has been attracted to jerks more than once in her life, I can understand their frustration (although my understanding doesn’t make them any less jerky for expecting sex in exchange for kindness).
That got me thinking, what exactly attracts so many ladies to “bad boys?” I think it’s their confidence. They value themselves as a person and think that they matter. Because they believe it, so do many women. Of course there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Now that I am older I like to think I have an easier time distinguishing between the two. So when I talk about confidence what I mean is being comfortable in your own skin, not being ashamed of what you love or dislike, that sort of thing. I’m not talking about someone who thinks they crap gold and can do no wrong.
The problem with so many of these “nice” guys is that they try too hard. They aren’t comfortable with who they are and a lot of them think that a woman will make them complete. That’s not attractive; at least I don’t find it attractive. I don’t want to complete someone, I want to compliment them. I can’t be someone’s world because that’s just waaay too much responsibility. That’s why I think these guys can’t find anyone. They’re putting these ladies on a pedestal and are shocked when they fall down. They’re just people guys, not goddesses.
Of course all of this can be turned around on the ladies too. I’ve heard my fair share of ladies wondering why all men like bitches. There’s even a book I haven’t read all about that very thing.
Again, I think it all comes down to confidence. These women that are called bitches, maybe they’re not. Maybe they just believe that they are worth a damn and should be respected. What’s so bitchy about that?
Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you constantly find yourself being “friend zoned” or overlooked for someone you view as a bitch or a bad boy, maybe you should take a look at how you view yourself. Do you think you’re worth dating, aside from the fact that you’re nice? Do you value yourself? Do you think that you’re opinions matter and that you deserve respect (respect, not sex just because you’ve been nice)? If you can’t honestly answer those questions with a “Hell yeah! I’m awesome!” then maybe you should work on loving yourself before you expect anyone else to.