Girl on Girl Hate

This week I was introduced to Laci Green’s, Sex + Youtube Channel. She is my new favorite thing. She’s funny, honest, insightful and makes light of some interesting issues. One issue that smacked me right in my hater face was the one about Girl on Girl Hate.

She talks about how girls are always hating on each other and why that may be. It’s really good, seriously go watch the video (click the link above to watch it). The reason it resonated and humbled me was because I am so, so guilty of this. As women, and I think, as mom’s we tend to sit there judging each other when we should be supporting and lifting each other up. Because come on, parenting is wicked hard, the last thing we need is to be judged. But I’m not going to talk about parenting. I’m going to talk about the reason I felt so shamed by this video.

Somewhat recently I was interested in a man. We were hanging out, getting to know each other, however he made it clear early on that he wasn’t interested in dating. I thought I would be ok with just being friends, but it became apparent that I couldn’t do that. My heart was too far into wanting him as a boyfriend. So we stopped hanging out. It sucked to loose a friend, but that’s how it goes sometimes.

So fast forward a couple months, I’m going out with my sister and she warns me that this man now has a new “lady friend.” They’re not officially together, but they might as well be. It was hard to see them together. I was jealous, but managed to keep it together.

The next outing was not so successful. I’d had a bit of “liquid courage” and started talking about how much better I was than this girl. This girl whose name I don’t even know, who I’ve never spoken to, who I’ve barely even glanced at. I realized, after watching Laci Green’s video, what I was doing. I was totally hating on someone I didn’t even know, for something that wasn’t even her fault.

It’s not her fault that that man didn’t want to date me. It’s not her fault that he decided he was ready to date when he met her. She didn’t steal him away, we weren’t even talking when they started seeing each other.

After my night of girl hate, I decided I needed to make a real effort to not do it. It’s hard because a lot of the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it. But I’m determined not to hate on my fellow females. We’ve got plenty to contend with already without having to fight each other!

Do you any other ladies find themselves guilty of such crimes? What do you do to help you not hate on your fellow females?

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7 responses to “Girl on Girl Hate

  1. Interesting! I have to say that this is a really good post. I recently realized that I was starting to do this, not so much with girls but with people who had what I wanted in general (be it guys or job position). I found I would start thinking bad things about other people for getting recognition if I hadn’t felt that I got proper recognition for something else (even if it was super unrelated). “Wow, they are getting paid X, I work on way more projects than they do…” that sort of thing. Instead of recognizing my own value, I was pulling others down to my insane self standards (ie, self girl hate. “I am not perfect – I deserve nothing and am worthless!”).
    But then I heard a friend of mine basically doing the same thing. Bringing down other people because she, like me, didn’t want to feel alone in her imperfection. She wanted to prove that she was worth something, so it must be more than this other person that she was stomping all over. I suddenly realized – this isn’t who I want to be (it wasn’t who she wanted to be either). This is accomplishing nothing and sounds, out loud, horrible. So I told her and we have both been trying to be more positive ever since. I think it makes a real difference in how happy I am.

    • Yes, self esteem issues are hard to deal with as well and often lead to trying to drag others down to the level you feel you are on. In any case, I think you’re awesome and it’s just silly to think otherwise. πŸ™‚

  2. I’m sure ALL women are guilty of this. And I’ve definitely had moments where I know I was passing severe judgment on someone I didn’t even know and in my heart was feeling like I hated them. I would love to say I always turn to God in these moments and ask for forgiveness and be prayerful about my attitude and actions, but I don’t. But it is something I’m trying to be better about. I find that when I realize God loves that person JUST AS MUCH as he loves me, that takes the edge off and helps my judgment and self-righteousness to take a hike and I just let it be.

    So in theory, that is my ultimate goal…to reflect on how God sees each of us and especially people I have negative thoughts towards, and in the moments when I actually follow through with that process, those are the moments I find myself not acting or thinking that way and instead trying to love them as God loves me. HARD, oh so HARD to do.

    • That is really hard to do. It’s a good thing to work towards for sure, being a gracious and loving person, especially with people you don’t even know. πŸ™‚

  3. As always, I’m amazed by your ability to be so honest and vulnerable in a public forum – and appreciative that your willingness to share always causes me to stop and reflect. Great post!

    So kudos! You are such a lovely human being for always challenging yourself to be better. Don’t forget to give yourself grace too. ❀ ❀ ❀ I think we've all been there – including men, for that matter – and calling it out is probably more than half way to nipping it in the bud.

  4. PS I just discovered Laci Green too, a few days before I read your post. Funny!

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