A couple of weeks ago a friend on Facebook posted a link to the “Nice Guys of OkCupid” tumblr (the blog has since been taken down). Since I’m on OkCupid I thought I’d take a peek. I read the whole thing. A few made me laugh, a lot made me cringe, but mostly it just made me sad. It obvious from the get go that “Nice Guys” was a sarcastic title. I sort of knew what to expect, but I wasn’t expecting a feeling of sadness.
I didn’t feel sad because these are my options for online dating. Besides I know there are good, decent guys out there. I felt sad for them. They honestly believe they are nice, gentle guys but the way they talk about women, and their answers to “match questions” proved they were not.
The thing that made me cringe the most were the men who complained about being “friendzoned.” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had that happen. It sucks when you like someone a lot to have them tell you they just want to be friends. But these men, or boys if we’re referring to their maturity level, were upset because they would spend a bunch of time and/or money on a girl and they weren’t getting laid. So basically they felt they were owed sex and were mad when they didn’t get it. And then thought that writing it into their online dating profile would be a good way to woo a woman.
The thing is, there is so much more to dating someone besides how much time or money is spent on them. A person can be perfect on paper. You can have tons of shared interests, have great conversation and have a good time together but sometimes the feeling that attracts you to someone in a romantical way is just not there. There’s not a whole lot anyone can do about that.
It takes more than being a nice guy. It takes more than time spent. It takes more than gifts bought. If you truly are a nice guy you’d see that and not expect these women who aren’t interested in you to sleep with you. Sex is never an obligation, never. And if you think it is you’re a jerk.