Monthly Archives: June 2012

What a Dumb Idea

Remember last week when I talked about finding Reginald and all my extra copies of the printed version of my first ten blog posts? Well, I had a dumb idea.

I decided to turn those extra copies into a freaking BOOK! Yep. I put them all together, made a cover page and a dedication page. I also did original art for all ten columns. A lot of the art is collage, but there’s also some pieces done with stickers, markers, and one even has paint. It’s really professional looking.

See, so professional!

The reason it’s a dumb idea is that I have to go to Kinkos and make color copies of all the art. Then I’m also going to pay Kinkos to bind all the pages into actual books. When it’s all done I’m going to sell them for a $1. If someone wants to pay a little more I won’t say no.

A friend of mine pointed out that I might loose some money on this project. That is true, I probably will. BUT! It’s kept me busy and made me feel important for a couple weeks so I’d say it’s a few dollars well lost…

ANYway, that’s what I’ve been occupying myself with lately. But since I’ve been so immersed in that I don’t have a good blog post this week. I was going to do a top five list, but I couldn’t think of a good one. Except maybe top five times I’ve been wicked drunk, wait that’s a good one.

Top Five Times I’ve Been Very Very Drunk (in no particular order)

1. That time at Chopstix. If you know about this one, good for you. I don’t want to talk about it.

2. In Palm Springs, at The Ace Hotel drinking Gin & Tonics with my friend Dustin. I didn’t really have a taste for gin for a long time since it reminds me of licking a pine tree, but for some reason the ones Dustin kept bringing me tasted like very refreshing water. Which is not good if you’re going for moderation.

3. July 3rd, 2008 was a Thursday, it was also the day before the 4th of July (dur) and so some friends decided to have a party before the party. I drank so much I was hungover until about 4pm the next day. I missed all the festivities at Gasworks that year and could only nibble a banana until about 2pm.

4. At Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall in Las Vegas this year. I met up with my old boyfriend (yup the good one) from High School and we drank like we were sixteen again. Which was a poor choice since I am no longer sixteen but thirty. I still love Vegas, because it’s a big 24 hour party and hey! I like parties!

5. For a long time at SPU students were forbidden from drinking, even after you turned 21 and the law said you could. So about two days before graduation, the night before the Ivy Cutting Ceremony, Jordan and many of his friends, threw huge parties. I remember going to two parties I think. The next morning I was wrecked but had to get ready for the ceremony which started at 9:30am. I can’t recall what time we had to be there, but it was early. I showered, brushed my teeth at least twice then headed out to attempt to stand for over an hour in heels. Both my mom and aunt could smell the alcohol as it seeped from my pores. Very classy indeed.

So there you have it, the top five times I’ve been inebriated.

Once the books are finished I’ll let you all know, because I’m sure you all are just dying from the anticipation!

Paper & A Mascot

You know what’s really funny is that before I started this blog I was already writing it. What I was doing was writing a post and instead of putting it up on the internets I was printing it out, making copies, putting them in coffee shops and mailing them off to friends. I even had my talented artist friend Harmony make me an adorable little mascot.

I’m going to call him Reginald, doesn’t he look like a Reginald? MAN! He’s so freaking CUTE!

He’s a Kangaroo Rat that’s all wet and sopping… cause he hangs out in Seattle… cause he moved there for… college. ANYway, I thought he was awesome and even put him on a t-shirt that I wore one time. I only wore it once cause it was after I started the blog and I was trying to get readers so I put the website on the t-shirt too, but then I felt like a tool wearing it cause it was my own website. Maybe if I had made a button instead, I love buttons. I could make mugs. Holy crap! I could do so much with him! I can see it now, it starts with buttons and mugs, then bookmarks, notebooks, stickers! The possibilities are endless! But then I’d be the tool with all my own paraphernalia. Maybe if I started a store online and sold that stuff. You all would buy something right? Then I wouldn’t be a total tool box.

Where was I going with this? Oh right, so I came across little Reginald here (seriously, don’t call him Reggie) while I was going through some old writing files. I have a bunch of old writing that I hang on to. It’s seriously the only thing I’m a total pack rat about, because a creative writing teacher once told me never ever to throw away any of your writing, even if you read it and it’s the most embarrassing thing ever. And boy do I have some embarrassing things, I was writing all through High School so I’ve got some real winners, but I will never throw them out. Even though they are ridiculously embarrassing, like your parents finding porn under your bed embarrassing. Which happened to me once, kind of. Wait, what was I saying?

Right, so old stories; I threw out one of my stories once. I thought it was the worst thing I’d ever written so I tore it out of my notebook and threw it away. Now I can’t even remember what made it so terrible and that drives me batty. Because who knows where inspiration is going to come from?! Maybe one day years from now I’ll be reading one of my terrible poems and it’ll inspire me to write something not terrible. Maybe I’ll write something amazing that will, in turn inspire several other people. You just never know, so I keep everything that I write. Then when I want to write something, but I’m feeling blocked I can go back and read what I’ve written in the past. That’s how I started writing Jude & the Zombies. I had been trying to write a decent zombie story for awhile and nothing was coming. So in addition to reading lots of zombie books, I read my own writing that I’d done. And poof, a story eventually bloomed and felt right.

I’m off on a tangent again. So I found Reginald in this file of stuff. I have files from when I was “publishing” this blog on paper. I was meticulous. I made a precise amount of copies and distributed them to a couple coffee shops and mailed some to “subscribers.” Looking back I feel sort of like an idiot. Why would I waste money and resources on something that very few people were reading? The owner of one of the coffee shops I was bringing them to said that a lot of people were reading them, but wouldn’t take them home. They would read it while they had a coffee then put it back. Which was nice. I’m glad they were reading it, but what was the point of making so many copies that weren’t being taken. It was silly. But I did it for ten weeks before Jordan asked me to stop wasting our money on Kinkos and stamps.

I think I was a little scared about starting a blog, because I had a couple already that no one read, so why would I start another one? I believe it was Jordan who pointed out that this blog would have a purpose. It had a theme, it wasn’t just a mishmash internal monologue that my first blog was, or a sporadically updated blog about being a starving writer that no one cared about. This was an actual thing.

I like to think that I haven’t strayed too far from the main topic of this blog. Overall it’s about me, my life, which I suppose would be interesting to some. I’m astounded that people read it and even equally astounded when a random person comes along and reads it. When they like a post, when they leave a comment, it’s amazing! I’m surprised by the community that exists with blogging. These other bloggers aren’t people I feel I’m competing with they’re fellow writers, and geeks. They’re friends and supporters. I look forward to reading their posts and laughing out loud at their wit.

Turning a bit sappy in here. I’m just glad that Jordan convinced me to start another blog, because even if the journey has been long and sometimes hard, it’s also been so rewarding. So thank you. Thank you all my readers! I love you. I really do.

It’s Father’s Day

Today is Father’s Day. While I adore my father and father in law, I’ve come to dislike this day very much. I think it’s pretty obvious why I don’t like Father’s Day anymore. It’s because I miss this guy’s face so much.

How could you not miss that goofy face?

So while I love my dads and wish I could be one hundred percent happy on this day, I’m not sure that will ever be. Instead of focusing on that for this post though I’m going to talk about my daddy.

My daddy, sister and me on a Father’s Day many moons ago.

I feel bad for my dad sometimes. When I was little I was a pretty good girl, except for that time I “ran away,” but for the most part I listened to my parents and feared their wrath if I ever broke the rules. That all began to change once I hit Junior High. I started to push boundaries a little and by high school I was a full blown rebel. By some standards I wasn’t that bad at all, but by the standards I’d been raised by, I was pretty naughty.

The reason I feel bad for my dad is because he almost always was the bad guy. The punishments always came from him. Mom and him might have talked it over before dishing it out, but the words always came from his mouth. So we went through a rocky patch there for awhile.

Once I got older things got better and I saw the reason dad and I fought so much was because we are so much alike. When you put two stubborn people in opposite corners of a fight you’re likely to have a either a stand off or a huge fight. Dad and I had our fair share of huge fights, complete with shouting and slammed doors.

Even though there were fights, I knew deep down he loved me. Like I said in my Mother’s Day post the balance my parents executed was good. There wasn’t a ton of fighting and there were plenty of good times too. Even when I was a teenager, there are still times I had fun with my dad.  Like when we went to the Grand Canyon my senior year in high school. Mom & my sister are not a fan of heights, so it was me and my dad sitting on the wall looking down the canyon walls.

So to my wonderful daddy, happy Father’s day! I love you so much! Thanks for being an amazing and loving father!

Finding Yourself in the Quiet

A few weeks ago I was on Facebook and saw someone’s status update. The update was from a mom. It  said something about a relaxing activity and then asked how other moms relaxed.

I thought about that for a long time. I thought about my usual routine for the day. Jack takes a nap in the middle of the day so that seems like the opportune moment for relaxing. Usually I would use that time to work on my writing, clean the house or more likely cruise stupid Facebook for two hours until Jack wakes up. Those activities are not so relaxing. What’s more is I would usually have music on in the background or a podcast if I was working on something crafty.

I don’t mind noise normally, but I haven’t been feeling myself lately. I’ve been going overboard on the negativity and complaining. Part of that might have something to do with me being stupid lonely all the time. I don’t get enough time with adult people since my sister moved away. I know that’s somewhat on me. I could join a MOPS group or start going to those single parent meetups again. It’s just a matter of me getting out of this funk. It’s hard enough trying to make new friends without having a dark cloud hanging over your head.

So I’m taking small steps to feeling better. I’m trying to reach out  more to the friends I already have, making an effort to reconnect with them. I’m also trying to take better care of myself. There are two things I’ve been trying to do each day to accomplish that.

The first thing I’m trying to do is get up before Jack wakes up. If I do that I can workout, have a shower and a cup of coffee and feel more ready to take on a toddler each day. This has only been mildly successful. To get up early I have to go to bed early and I don’t like to do that. Because I’m stubborn and the night is my time. I don’t have to watch Alice in Wonderland (for the millionth time), I can watch Battlestar Galactica or Russell Peters. I can read a book, I can have a bubble bath, hell I could dance around naked if I wanted to, cause my kid is asleep!

I don’t have to play “crawl under the bed to explore a cave” or “trapping mama and tying her up.” As much as I love playing with my child, my adult mind can only take so much before I start to think, really you’re chasing me around the house with a rope again? So it’s hard for me to get to bed early enough to get up before Jack, because I like being able to do what I want for a change.

With that said, I have had a little success this week. I’ve only worked out once, but I think I’ve been up before the kiddo every day so that’s a step in the right direction.

The second thing I’m doing in an attempt to make myself better is having a quiet naptime. That’s not to say I’m taking naps. I hate naps. My house is quiet at naptimes though.

I’ve started giving myself one chore a day during nap, clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen, make an important call; then after the chore is done and things are in relatively good order I pick up a book, sit in my reading corner and read until I hear the stirrings of an awakening toddler. So far this has been working out really well.

I love books and adore reading, so this has been really healing for my mind and soul. That sounds ridiculously cheesy, but it’s true. My house may be a little less tidy, but at least I’m getting an hour or more of something I love everyday.

There is something so rewarding to me about reading a book, finishing a book. I’m a big nerd and keep a journal of the books I’ve read. Yes, a paper journal where I write down every single book I’ve read.

This is my book journal. I love it!

I started it in 2006, but I don’t remember why. I even used to write mini-reviews of each book, but stopped that, too much work. I love to look through it and remember how each story impacted my life. How it made me feel, what I was doing when I read said book, how long it took me to finally finish one, seeing those months where there’s nothing makes me so sad, thinking I had no time to read.

I make it a point to read now. Because reading and books is part of who I am. Loving the written word is so deeply ingrained in my heart that I just feel crappy when I don’t read something. So I sit, in the quiet of my house, while the wild thing slumbers, I lose myself in a good book. And I really am starting to feel better.

So…About Your T-Shirt…

This is a rant, just fyi.

Back in the day when I was married, Jordan asked me why I don’t wear dresses more. I believe I told him I was most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. I also mentioned that Seattle is cold for most of the year so why would I want to freeze my legs off by wearing a dress or skirt? He replied that summer is nice. True it is, I agreed. However, during the summer when we went out we would frequent places like Greenlake. Normally we’d play a little ultimate frisbee or lounge on a blanket reading. I asked if he would be ok with all of Greenlake catching glimpses of my lovely lingerie? He said he would not be ok with that and left the issue alone. I know that Jordan loved me the way I am because he only mentioned it once and didn’t push me.

This issue came up again while I was dating someone else. I wonder if this person liked me for who I am at all, or if he was just trying to mold me into his idea of a perfect woman. He told me he was dissatisfied with the length of my hair, the size of my boobs and the way I dressed. I was a little confused by his dissatisfaction because when we met I was not dressed in a ball gown, with tiny boobs and a short pixie haircut. I was in jeans and a t-shirt, with long hair. As for my breasts, it’s not like I had them strapped down or anything.

A few weeks after we started dating, he mentioned that I never dressed up. He was not as graceful about it as Jordan was. And honestly I don’t know what he was talking about. We were coming off the holiday season where there was actually lots of dressing up what with all the parties, church services and the like. I’d been dressing up a lot. Apparently it wasn’t good enough.

This issue was even brought up by my sister and mother. When that show “What Not to Wear” came on they said they were going to nominate me for it. They said later it was just so that I could go on a shopping spree and get new clothes.

What the crap?! I don’t dress poorly. I don’t know why people think that. Just because I wear jeans and a t-shirt all the time? I’m just casual! It’s not as if I’m traipsing around Seattle in sweatpants and a frumpy sweater (that outfit is for lounging at home on a lazy Sunday).

I’m not a freaking executive, or an office drone. I don’t have to dress up for work so why would I don a pencil skirt and button up blouse to hang out with my preschooler all day long? That would be dumb cause by the end of the day my skirt would be ripped and the blouse would be stained.

This is probably what my closet would like if I hung up my t-shirts…except it would be mostly black, like my heart!

I admit I have a lot of t-shirts. It’s because I like them. They are easy to wear, I don’t have to worry about my bra showing or a boob popping out. I get to show off my geekiness with t-shirts, which I LOVE to do by the way. If my jeans get something on them it’s not the end of the world cause they’re just jeans and really easy to wash! I like to do my laundry in one big load. (Save the freaking Earth and all that!) I don’t want to have to do seventy tiny loads because I have a bunch of high quality maintenance clothes.

Also fancy clothes have fancy prices. I don’t like clothes shopping. Half the fancy clothes I buy I don’t wear. There’s no occasion for me to wear them. Why would I dress up if I feel fine in my jeans and t-shirt? Seriously I feel damn sexy in my outfit today which is my black Star Wars t-shirt and a pair of flared blue jeans. “Hot damn I look good,” is what I’m usually thinking when I get dressed in the morning.

All that said, I do enjoy dressing up every now and then. I loved dances and proms growing up cause I got to wear a pretty dress, and fancy shoes and put on makeup and get all girly with my girlfriends. All that fancy can be fun on occasion. But it’s a lot of work and like I said before, I don’t need to get fancy to feel good about myself.

Sometimes it’s the fancy clothes that make me feel insecure. Probably because with fancy clothes you have to make sure things match and look good together and what jewelry will look best and what shoes and how is the bag going to look and how should I do my hair and what makeup should I wear and will it all look ok or will I look like I’m trying too hard? See? A lot of work. I don’t like to put that much work into what I wear every single day. So I only do it occasionally.

And if you don’t like that, well, we probably shouldn’t date then.

If you’re wondering where I get my t-shirts here are my favorite places online:

And then on the rare occasion when I do buy a dress this is where I go: