The Voices in My Head

As a writer, I constantly have a dialogue running in my head. Most of the time I’m simply narrating my life and Jacks, but sometimes these dialogues take on different voices. At the risk of sounding like an insane person with multiple personalities, I occasionally have a bunch of different voices in my head. Usually they’re pretty harmless, but there are two voices in particular that get on my nerves to no end.

The first, is the voice that pipes up every time I have even the slightest controversial thought. I could be pondering what to blog about and if said post has the potential to rock the boat at all then this little voice pops up saying “Oh dear! You can’t write that! What will your mother/father/mother in law/father in law/friends/sister think?!” Usually this voice is easy to beat down. I’m striving toward not being afraid of embracing who I am, so telling this voice to shut it and sit down is getting easier. The funny thing about this voice is that it’s usually wrong. For example, I thought that this post on bike riders in Seattle would get a few comments, not altogether kind, but it got nothing. While this post on the Sounders, which I thought to be harmless, earned me my first pissed reader and angry comment. I assure you that while I wrote the Sounders post Ms. Non Confrontational took no notice. But when I wrote the post on bike riders Ms. Non Confrontational was shouting at me, what the hell are you doing?! Don’t be mean! You shouldn’t even post this, kiss all your readers goodbye! And it got nary a nudge from the onlines. With that thought in mind it’s getting much easier to ignore Ms. Non Confrontational, because I think she’s sort of an idiot and gives dumb advice.

The second voice is Ms. Lazy. This voice is the destroyer of art, inspiration and discipline. It’s the voice that speaks to me the most. It’s the one that convinces me to stay almost asleep in bed even though an epic story idea just popped in my head. The voice that tells me to watch Glee instead of writing cause hey I can work on my knitting while I watch Glee. That’s like doing two things at once!! Suddenly chores are undone, stories aren’t written, blog deadlines are missed and I feel like the most crap writer/mother on the face of the earth.

There are times when Ms. Lazy is even too lazy to say anything herself and I have these bouts of discipline. I get so much done, I work out, I write, I run errands, I feel like an actual adult takin’ care of business. During those time I get over enthusiastic and cram way too much in, then I get burnt out. That’s when Ms. Lazy disguises herself as Ms. You Deserve A Break and tells me to watch more TV again. After all, she reasons, there are just so many shows you want to see and who knows when Netflix will make them magically disappear from your instant queue?

I had a bout of discipline around Christmas time, when I was packing, moving and helping my parents with the Holiday. But now Ms. Lazy is rearing her ugly head again. I had to make myself get out of bed on Monday night to jot down notes for this blog post. I literally had to speak out loud to myself and say get the F out of bed and grab a notebook, what’s wrong with you?

I’m really trying to get stuff done, to work on my new story, but I just love Glee. I love it so damn much, I love watching the dancing. I love singing along… Also I get a lot of work done on this baby blanket I’m knitting.


4 responses to “The Voices in My Head

  1. Your silly! 🙂 When have you ever cared about what I think? 😉 I love you sister. Everyone has those voices I think, I know I do. I definitly hear the you deserve a break one A LOT. Good post, keep writing your good at it.

  2. I enjoy your writing, and think you should write whatever you want:)
    It’s cool that you can see how the “coward voice” is wrong in wall those instances.

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