Follow Your Joy

Lately when I talk to people about things in my life they tell me to do what makes me happy, or to follow my heart. Which is great, but I’ve always been so aware of the opinions of those around me that I’m finding it difficult to separate what my heart truly wants from what those around me would prefer. I’m also not really convinced that I know what would make me happy. I have a short list of things that do actually make me happy or that I believe will make me happy if I get them.

1. Jack- he makes me smile at least once a day.
2. Sunshine- I can’t be bummed if it’s beautiful enough to sit outside and be warm.
3. A house with a yard- Then I could actually sit outside while Jack runs around and wears himself out.
4. A date- Not a boyfriend. Just a casual date.

I know that happiness should come from your heart or whatever. It shouldn’t come from money or houses or material things and generally it doesn’t for me. I’m not sitting around lamenting my life all the time. I try hard to be a positive, encouraging and uplifting person, even for myself. But this living situation is really getting to me. I try to be ok with the fact that I can hear the guys next door as they play video games, because they absolutely have to use their goddamned surround sound, but I can’t. I was not made for apartment living. So it’s difficult to be excited about going home when it’s a source of frustration.

I understand that even if I get the things I want, I know life is not suddenly going to be all butterflies and rainbows. I’ll still get sad, and that’s alright. I’ll still have some problems. I’ll still have a two year old, who just figured out that he can climb out of bed and play, instead of nap. It would just be nice to not dread going home, wondering if I’m going to have to fall asleep listening to a bass beat. It would be awesome to look forward to the evening not because I’ll get to knit without tiny fingers trying to help, but because I get to spend the evening with a boy at the movies or something.

I think what I wish most is that I could separate the feelings of others from my feelings to see what I really want. Do I really want to move out of state or do I really want to stay here? That is the big question of the month for me. Should I stay or should I go?

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4 responses to “Follow Your Joy

  1. After reading this post I was praying that God with give you some clarity of where to live and felt compelled to invite you over for a few days, weekend, whatever. Give you a break from your place, let the boys wear each other out, eat, watch movies & pray together for direction. I guess I just want you to know that you always have a place here to get away for a bit. We have lots of room for the two of you! I’ll show you the finer points of Tacoma. : ) Julia

  2. I am wishing for a new home for you and Jack. You are an uplifting person, or have been for me, really!

    Someone once said to me, “You know, I think God puts people or situations in our life to help us work on whatever our issues are.” That hit home for me and helped me focus less on what I wasn’t getting out of life. I have no idea if that helps you or anyone else, but it meant a lot to me:)

  3. i agree with your friend julia that i think you need a change of scenery, staci, and with your friend holli that it’s time to ask the Lord to give you and jack a place to live in a HOUSE with a YARD. so i’m doing that. as for the staying or going, a good friend of me taught me a very simple, practical way to process through a decision like that… get out 2 old fashioned pieces of paper and draw a line down the middle of each, so you can see the pros and cons of living in california AND washington. just set it out on the counter for a couple of weeks and add to it as you think of things. meanwhile, ask the Lord for something equally simple, but huge. “please Lord, would You bend my heart to align with Your best for jack and me?” … and if you don’t force yourself into a quick decision, but wait for Him to make it clear, i promise you He will. 🙂

  4. If it makes you feel any better, crazy cat lady upstairs drives me bonkers. Don’t be afraid to file complaints on them if they are noisy past quiet hours – they need to know how much this is bothering you!

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