The Game

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Ever heard that phrase? I have, but always in movies, or from friends poking fun, never as a serious statement. Lately I’ve started to take it more seriously.

I haven’t been single long, only about a year and a half now. In that time I’ve come to hate “the Game.” During my new singlehood I’ve had one relationship and two “things.” They weren’t relationships. I’m not sure what they were, but that’s not the point. The point is, that in all three of those instances there was “the Game.”

We all play it. You can lie and say you don’t, that’s your prerogative. I used to do that, say I was a straight shooter, always up front with what I wanted, never attempting to manipulate or change anyone. It was only recently that I realized I actually do play games. Just because you don’t realize you’re playing “the Game” doesn’t mean you’re not.

Things start simply enough; you like a person and they either like you back or not. If they do like you back, things progress and then gradually “the Game” starts. For me it usually starts when I think I really like someone. I start over analyzing everything, every word, every action, every unanswered call. You may think this is just part of being a girl and sure, in part it is. But the other part is played by the second party and thus “the Game” that you thought you didn’t play begins. There are several different “Games.” Here are just a few of my least favorite.

The Chase

Person A will pursue Person B on a regular basis, showering them with compliments and touting their own good qualities until Person B finally says yes to a date or whatever it was they were pursuing. Suddenly Person A looses interest and you never hear from them again.

The String Along

In this game Person A and Person B are both interested in each other. But for whatever reason Person A can’t seem to make up their mind about things. They are constantly changing their tune between, “let’s be together,” to “I never want to see you again,” to “let’s be friends” and back again. It goes on this way until someone has the wherewithal to just walk away and treat it as a bad job.

The Quiet Game

I. Hate. This. Game. Like most of the “Games” it starts nicely. It seems you’ve found a good one, a diamond in the rough as it were. Things go well for awhile then something shifts … but no one says anything. Person A and Person B are thinking separate thoughts and wondering what the other is thinking or assuming they know, but nothing is being said. Suddenly this person you thought was wonderful is playing games with your heart and your head. Not wanting to come off like a crazy person you continue to not say anything until things just disintegrate.

These “Games” are stupid. I hate playing them, I hate being played and I’m tired of how they make me feel, which is sad, unattractive and generally lame. I have so many other, better things to do with my time, like writing, knitting, playing with my son, watching anime, heck even getting my Comicon art framed seems so much better than playing these ridiculous games.

So I decided something this week. I’m not going to play anymore. I’m not sure entirely what that means yet. If I’m off the market for the time being or if I’m just going to strive towards being more honest and less afraid of the reactions that honesty might get. Or maybe it means just getting better control of my heart, not letting it run away with things all the time. All I know is that I hate “the Game” and I’m becoming less and less fond of “the Player” as well.

I’m done, I don’t want to play anymore. I know that means I’ll never win, but I’m so tired of loosing.


4 responses to “The Game

  1. Yeah, I hear you on that front kiddo. I like you have felt at times that I recognize the game and refuse to play it, when in the past, I definitely was playing it. If it makes you feel better, I’ve been single the bulk of my life, remove 5 months from my 31 years, and that’s how long I’ve been single, and ya know, if it takes being single to make sure I know what I’m doing and to not settle and to make sure I do it right, then I’m seriously ok with that and I’d rather make sure I’m pleasing God than myself or others (which trust me is a very hard thing to do, as we’re humans and are selfish by nature and tend to not think of him first). Hugs and we’re here for you, no matter what stage of the “game” or “life” you’re in. Love ya. Megs.

  2. wise woman. with that heart i predict in the long run you’ll win AND be won … and it won’t be any stupid game, either. it will be genuine and worth throwing away the game for. hugs to you, staci, from another mother who thinks you’re well worth it. 🙂

  3. Don’t play games! It is easy, just don’t believe the game exists and be selfish when you are single. Do not feed in to games. It’s that easy!

  4. Just wanted to applaud and encourage you. It’s funny, because I remember reading a post by you about “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” where you wondered what the book was about. I was going to reply, but got sidetracked…Basically, Joshua Harris (the author) decided to stop playing The Game, and focus on figuring out who he was and what God wanted to do with his life. He then prayed about a future mate, figuring out what he wanted, and asked for guidance to finding her someday. He didn’t focus on hunting her down at all. Once he thought he’d found her (with advice from mentors, mutual friends, etc) he proceeded with caution. Not that he just didn’t engage in the “fun stuff” like making out, but that he instead focused on learning about who she was and what her hopes and dreams were – who she really was. He let it all happen while just being himself. And, if he’s telling the whole truth in his book, did wait until wedding day to kiss her, but frankly I think that’s a very personal decision that worked for him.
    He then wrote a follow up book called, “Boy Meets Girl.” It tells the story of their “courtship” from both sides.

    I had both books, but loaned them out years ago. I think I still have Boy Meet Girl if you’re interested in borrowing it:)


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