Judge, Judge, Judge

First let me say that having an inside joke as the title of this post makes me smile.

Last night I was having dinner with bf and some friends. One friend asked me if I was writing, which reminded me that it was Thursday and I had no thoughts whatsoever for a blog today. This week has been very weird. I suppose it really started with last weekend when I caught a stomach flu. I don’t remember the last time I’d been that sick. Bf graciously took care of me, but then got sick himself. There were other things that happened this week that threw me for a loop but they aren’t things I’d like to air in this arena. All that to say, I hadn’t really thought about what to write for today.

Then suddenly it came to me, as I was making lunch for the kiddo, I could write about judgement. It has been an overarching theme this week. The trouble with writing about judgement is I could get in a bit of trouble. So I wondered if I should wait, put a little teaser on my blog this week, work on it and delve into the subject for next week. My final thought was, no I should not do that. Normally when I do that I end up not working on it, or not putting in as much effort as I wanted to.

So even if it gets me a few nasty comments, here goes my post about judgement.

I’ve noticed there is a largely negative connotation with judgement. Which I think is a bit silly since we all do it. You can disagree with me if you want to, but just try something first. Think of the last time you met someone you had never met before. What were some things you noticed, their hair, clothes, looks? Did you really have no thoughts whatsoever about those things you noticed? Were all the thoughts you had about that person negative, or positive? I think therein lies the problem. Judgements are not always negative, they can be positive too.

Thinking something like ‘what a neat person, I think we have a lot in common’ is just as much a judgement as thinking ‘this girl is so obnoxious, I will never hang out with her again.’ The thing that makes it complicated is the fact that positive judgements go by another name, compliments. But I believe they are essentially, still judgements. Each person faces judging differently. There are many approaches and opinions, but I’ve noticed there to be at least three groups of people.

The first group I’ll call the “No Judgement Crowd.” These are the folks that are always proclaiming they do not judge ever. I always feel a little wary when I’m talking with someone I don’t know very well and they say repeatedly  ‘no judgement.’ Mostly because it makes me wonder if they’re reminding themselves not to judge. Then I start to worry because generally the folks who say ‘no judgement’ are the ones who think of judging in a negative way. So each time they say ‘no judgement’ I wonder what it is I said that made them think of me in a negative light.

The second group I’ll call the “All Judgement Crowd.” These people generally think that judgements are negative, but are ok with that. They judge all the time because, similar to my point of view, everyone judges, they just aren’t afraid to do it. My experience with these people is they are difficult to impress and once they form an opinion of you it’s hard to change it.

The third group I’ll call “My Crowd” because this where I think I fall. These are the ones that believe judgements exist and everyone does it, but it’s not always a negative thing. They try their best to not pass negative judgements on people but don’t beat themselves up if they do. Because hey, nobody is perfect.

I’m not saying that these are the only groups there are. I’m also not saying that every person who has ever uttered the words ‘no judgement’ falls into the first group. These are broad generalizations I’m using to explore the different sorts of people I’ve encountered. If you don’t like it well, go ahead and judge me.

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One response to “Judge, Judge, Judge

  1. in MY judgment 🙂 this is a very insightful, true post. thanks for putting it out there, staci!

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