I am a worst case scenario person. By that I mean, I always assume that bad things happen before good things. A good example would be the time Jordan was going to climb Mount Si all by himself. He had been training with a group to climb Mount Rainer and had climbed Mount Si a number of times with said group. He felt confident that he could scale it himself with no problems and assured me that if anything at all seemed amiss he would immediately head down the mountain. He left very early in the morning so he could be to work by 9am, so I don’t even remember him leaving.
At about 9:30am just as I was getting out of the shower I heard my phone ring in the bedroom. I ignored it since I was dripping wet. As I combed my hair and got out my blow dryer I started wondered who would call me. I get very few phone calls, and seldom did I get them in the morning. As I dried my hair I convinced myself that it was the police or hospital calling to tell me Jordan had fallen off the mountain and died. When I finally did check the message it was Jordan, telling me he’d gotten to the top and was now safely in the office. I felt a little foolish, but upon reflection realized that’s how I’d always been. I suppose my logic is if I prepare for the worst than the good seems all that much better!
As some of you may know, I’ve got a boyfriend. I’m pretty sprung on this new bf. He’s very sweet, charming and devilishly handsome, so naturally I’m wondering what the crap he’s doing with me, a used up, old widow/single mother. I bring this up because for the first month or so bf and I were dating I would get extremely anxious anytime he called or came over. I thought perhaps I was nervous about him coming over because I liked him so much and was worried about making an ass of myself. But no, I feel very comfortable around him, I can talk with him about nearly anything without feeling like a fool. So that couldn’t be it. I realized that the problem was my “worst case scenario” issue. I was worried every time I saw his name pop up on my phone or his face at my door because I had myself convinced that he was coming or calling to break up with me. Is this neurotic and weird, to be sure, it is! He gave no indication that he had any intention of breaking up. It’s not as if he called and said “we really need to talk.” Which usually means trouble.
I have to wonder if this outlook on life makes me a pessimist. I admit I’ve never been the most positive thinking person, but I have never thought of myself as a Debbie Downer. I do try to see the optimistic side of things. I try to acknowledge that the glass is half full. But if I’m constantly assuming the worst in situations then wouldn’t that make me a pessimist? I hope not, life would be so gloomy as a pessimist.