Being A Good Mother

There has been a lot on mind as of late. I’ve been busy since my sister’s wedding. Aside from work, I’ve been trying to cure my pet turtle of some weird thing. Basically she’s got something hanging out of her butt. I own a turtle book (since I have four turtles) and found out that it’s most likely a cloacal prolaspe. I read the whole section on the cloacal prolaspe and have been following everything the book says. Make sure the other turtles are leaving it alone, keep it moist, get her to move around and it should work it’s way back in. It looked ok on Saturday, even better on Sunday, more promising on Monday and since then it’s gotten worse. It was getting shorter, working its way back in and now all the sudden it’s long again and the end of it has turned black. Obviously the black part is dead tissue. What I’m so worked up about is not the fact that my turtle has a problem and I have to take it to the vet to get the dead tissue surgically removed. The thing that gets me worked up is that fact that I did every thing I was supposed to and I still some how screwed it up. And now my poor turt has an unpleasant dead thing hanging off its ass. This is getting me worked up because hubby and I have decided to have a baby.

How does this connect with a sick turtle you may ask? Well, I feel inadequate as a care giver. I love my turtles! Love them to pieces, I think they’re adorable when they do just about anything, but I also feel like nothing I do is helpful to them. I followed every thing my vet recommended and although they’re a bit more energetic, they still have buggy eyes, which indicates vitamin A deficiency; I try to find red wigglers to feed my little turtle, but can’t find them anywhere; I also can’t find fish oil (not in a pill form) anywhere; it’s really frustrating. I make all these efforts to provide a great healthy environment for them and all I meet is walls.

So if I can’t even provide for my pets how can I provide for a baby? I’ve got the books, I’m reading up, trying to be smart about things, but will that be enough? I’ve always wanted to be a mom and the urge now is undeniable, but I also feel inadequate. I have to wonder, does anyone ever feel truly prepared for a baby? Of course there are many more resources and aids for human babies rather than pet babies, but still. Lot’s of people have told me I’d make a really great fun mom, but I don’t know.

Having a baby is a risk for sure, but the more I read the more research I do, it’s undeniable; there’s nothing I want more than a little kid running around. My son, my daughter, it just makes me smile thinking of it. Reading to them, teaching them, watching them grow. It will be truly amazing.

Suddenly I feel better about this. I think I’ve written myself off the edge…again. This is why writing is so good for me. I know now, my turtle is sick through no fault of my own, the book even says they’re not totally sure why prolaspes occur; it could be a number things that I can’t really control. I did every thing I could; I took care of her to my best ability and I’m being responsible by taking her to a vet.

Now there’s a whole new can of worms I don’t even want to think about.

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