Monthly Archives: August 2008

Being A Good Mother

There has been a lot on mind as of late. I’ve been busy since my sister’s wedding. Aside from work, I’ve been trying to cure my pet turtle of some weird thing. Basically she’s got something hanging out of her butt. I own a turtle book (since I have four turtles) and found out that it’s most likely a cloacal prolaspe. I read the whole section on the cloacal prolaspe and have been following everything the book says. Make sure the other turtles are leaving it alone, keep it moist, get her to move around and it should work it’s way back in. It looked ok on Saturday, even better on Sunday, more promising on Monday and since then it’s gotten worse. It was getting shorter, working its way back in and now all the sudden it’s long again and the end of it has turned black. Obviously the black part is dead tissue. What I’m so worked up about is not the fact that my turtle has a problem and I have to take it to the vet to get the dead tissue surgically removed. The thing that gets me worked up is that fact that I did every thing I was supposed to and I still some how screwed it up. And now my poor turt has an unpleasant dead thing hanging off its ass. This is getting me worked up because hubby and I have decided to have a baby.

How does this connect with a sick turtle you may ask? Well, I feel inadequate as a care giver. I love my turtles! Love them to pieces, I think they’re adorable when they do just about anything, but I also feel like nothing I do is helpful to them. I followed every thing my vet recommended and although they’re a bit more energetic, they still have buggy eyes, which indicates vitamin A deficiency; I try to find red wigglers to feed my little turtle, but can’t find them anywhere; I also can’t find fish oil (not in a pill form) anywhere; it’s really frustrating. I make all these efforts to provide a great healthy environment for them and all I meet is walls.

So if I can’t even provide for my pets how can I provide for a baby? I’ve got the books, I’m reading up, trying to be smart about things, but will that be enough? I’ve always wanted to be a mom and the urge now is undeniable, but I also feel inadequate. I have to wonder, does anyone ever feel truly prepared for a baby? Of course there are many more resources and aids for human babies rather than pet babies, but still. Lot’s of people have told me I’d make a really great fun mom, but I don’t know.

Having a baby is a risk for sure, but the more I read the more research I do, it’s undeniable; there’s nothing I want more than a little kid running around. My son, my daughter, it just makes me smile thinking of it. Reading to them, teaching them, watching them grow. It will be truly amazing.

Suddenly I feel better about this. I think I’ve written myself off the edge…again. This is why writing is so good for me. I know now, my turtle is sick through no fault of my own, the book even says they’re not totally sure why prolaspes occur; it could be a number things that I can’t really control. I did every thing I could; I took care of her to my best ability and I’m being responsible by taking her to a vet.

Now there’s a whole new can of worms I don’t even want to think about.

Seriously…

I honestly don’t know what to write about today. I know it’s Tuesday and I’m a day late again.  I’m having a hard time balancing work and writing.  Not to mention a few other things.  I’ve had a few passing thoughts about what to write about; an examination of a few favorite authors, living in Seattle vs. Central Oregon, raising kids, getting pregnant, I’ve got a lot on my mind lately.

So I’m going to try to start my writing routine again. We’ll see if I can get this updated on time next week.  No promises though.

Who Are You?

Just a quick warning, I’m typing this directly into wordpress. I haven’t read it several times throughout the week, done much editing or anything like that. What you’re reading is essentially a rough draft. So, sorry for any glaring errors; if you can, please ignore the small ones. Thanks.

To thine own self be true. Know thyself. Who the hell are you? Many of us may think we know ourselves. Many of us may think we know what we want out of life, whether we know how to get it or not. I don’t make similar claims. If I knew myself I doubt I’d be writing this blog. I doubt I’d be writing much at all. The problem with claiming you know who you are is that things change. Jobs, circumstances, addresses they all change and with that change comes a shift in your character. I think this is most easily illustrated by music.

This works for me because I’ve always been a lover of music. The music I listened to defined my life. For example, in Junior High I listened to a lot of Nirvana, Bush, Silverchair and Weezer. Obviously I was into grunge and a sort of indescribable inner pain. Once High School hit those tastes developed into things like Nine Inch Nails, and Korn. About halfway through Limp Bizkit came on the scene, only to be followed by Eminem, and strangely enough Save Ferris. After High School I wouldn’t be caught dead bumping Limp Bizkit in my car. It was a thing of the past. I like to think that my tastes grew after High School. I got into The Pixies, Queens of the Stone Age, Ok Go, and quite a few more. I’m more open to classical music and country. I’ll give a song a chance before I switch it off. Throughout all this musical transition there was one constant; Weezer was always at the top of my list and actually still is. I like Weezer a lot because even though a lot of their stuff sounds similar it’s all different. Weezer has evolved and grown over time. That’s sort of how people are. We grow and change and even though we’re different we’re still the same.

Just like many folks I’ll pop in a Nirvana album from time to time and sing along remembering the days of old, but it’s not the soundtrack to who I am anymore. I think who I am will always be shifting and changing, which may be strange to some folks. So I guess that’s really who I am, a strange woman.

Slacking

Alright, so I’m having a bit of trouble getting back into the swing of things.  My parents were in town for the weekend so I was distracted.  But I will have a new post up next Monday…hopefully.  Things should be getting back to normal soon.