I’m a pretty nerdy person. I’ve come to accept that. I’m not nerdy to extremes, like some of those stereotypical characters you read about or see in movies. I love Star Wars, Harry Potter, Twilight, comic books and graphic novels. I could also discuss horror movies, especially zombie movies until the cows come home. But my interest in them is spread evenly over all, so I wouldn’t be able to tell you mundane details about any of them. Perhaps the closest I could get would be Harry Potter.
I’ve read every book a few times over and I also have the Scene It Harry Potter edition DVD game, and am pretty damn good at that. In addition, I attended the midnight party at Barnes & Noble when book 7 was released. Not only was I there, I participated in many of the events taking place at said party. I didn’t dress up, but I did get a Slytherin snake painted on my forearm to resemble the Dark Mark on a Death Eater’s arm.
What I’ve been thinking about as of late is would I have turned out this nerdy if I’d stayed in the desert? Or not even if I’d stayed; if I had moved back to the desert how would that have affected me?
Would I have embraced my love of Star Wars, Harry Potter and comics as easily if I hadn’t been surrounded by those that were into those things? The friends I made in Seattle knew that what they enjoyed was nerdy, but didn’t seem to care. They’d talk about what they liked and I loved that; it was refreshing not to have to worry about who would make fun of me for comparing real life situations to Star Wars or Harry Potter. It was nice to know that when I wanted to go to the aforementioned midnight party I had some folks to go with.
If I’d chosen to move back to the desert after college or if I, for some reason, returned before I graduated I would be a totally different person than I am now. The people I chose to befriend truly shaped who I am today.
I think sometimes about the person I would be if I’d gone home and what I see is not something I particularly like. I imagine myself as something of an alcoholic, unhealthily obsessed with boys who could really care less about me. When I think of what I could have become I feel a little disappointed. I say to myself, you’re so much better than that, of course you wouldn’t end up that way, you wouldn’t let yourself. But no! That’s not true. The person I am now wouldn’t allow that to happen. The person I am now would never have existed if I had not come to Seattle, made new friends and opened myself to their influence.
I’m not saying I’m a clone or that I’m not truly myself. I’m saying I am a product of my environment. The people you surround yourself with will influence you one way or the other. Which brings me back around to the reasoning that perhaps, even without my influences here, my experiences in the desert could have opened my eyes and shown me what I didn’t want to be and with that under my belt, I could change who I was. So I really haven’t proved any point at all just talked, or wrote as it is, in a circle.
Suddenly this is all jumbled in my mind. What was supposed to be a funny piece on being nerdy and enjoying it has, in a sense, become a commentary on nature verses nurture, except that it’s lacking any sort of conclusion.
I was just supposed to be editing something I’d already written and now here I am starting all over again with something totally different. Maybe someday I’ll be able to stay on track, but until then – Oh, look shiny!